BPD Relationships - I Hate You, Don't Leave Me

Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships are taken by some to define the life of the borderline. Those with BPD swing from extremes of ideation to devaluation, or, in simpler terms, are renowned for pushing away those they are desperate to draw close to. But are relationships always doomed to fiery burnouts for those with the disorder?


Many psychiatrists see that a stable, loving relationship can be the catalyst to a 'cure' for someone with BPD. A partner who can't be pushed away, won't let words said in fear of loss make them actually lose them, and won't believe that things will never get better can be the stability and unchanging rock that a borderline needs. Extremity can be tempered by a calm presence and irrationality needs a rational, listening ear to be comforted, confronted and changed.


For many, such a stable relationship has never materialised. They learn instead that if they push hard enough, one time they will push too far. They see that they can at least control the pain by being the one to bring it, rather than waiting for the other person to do the seemingly imminent breaking up of the relationship. They see that their fears of losing those they love become realities time and time again. They become closed off to the idea of love when love could be the cure.


This highlights yet another reason why greater awareness and understanding of BPD is needed. When the person that a borderline is in a relationship with truly understands why they are behaving as they are, it is much easier for them to rationalise it, not be pushed away by it, and even challenge it and comfort the concerns causing the person to behave in such a way in the first place. But whilst there is still ignorance about the disorder and while people still believe that once a borderline is always a borderline, the sufferer will be reinforced in their sense that they are and can be their own worst enemy.